Wednesday, November 21, 2007

School of life

In my line of work as a psychic it is curious how many people want and expect me to know absolutely everything about absolutely everything! If only it were that simple.

Memories of my early life include being mysteriously attractive to anyone with a sad story. From their stories, and then from my testing out their dramatic stories in my own life I was treated to an Earth School lesson plan that taught about low self-esteem and lack of boundaries.
So being psychic should have made this all unnecessary right?

Many of my friends were seemingly without any thred of support from the world except my friendship. Not only friends, boyfriends too! My poor parents suffered through the lot of misfits I brought home, year after year. In retrospect clearly there were specific lessons to be learned from each one of my early "teachers" disguised as friends and boyfriends. I yearned for answers, not for myself but for those I felt I was supposed to help.

The temptation to rely on external sources for the answers is a seduction that is hard to resist. I guarantee the answers you are looking for lie within your being. You say you don't know? What if you did? The reason you say you don't know is because the answer is not the one you want it to be. It is that simple. We want what we want, period. If a client wants me to tell them that they are going to lose 100 pounds with no effort we both know the truth is that it will require their energy to insure success. I do not possess a magic wand that will instantly change your reality, however, we can reveal the information to assist you in identifying what is on your perfect path.

A good reading can get you through to the heart of an issue that is going on in your life and assist you in identifying the root of it. If you have an on going problem with co-workers and think it's always them, we can look at what it is within you that magnetizes these situations to you, consider what lesson you may have to learn from them, get your power back and send you in a new direction. These may not have been the answers exactly that you were wanting but the experience will include giving you options and power to shift and move toward that which you desire. It is uncanny how many times people will tell me that "they already knew" what I am telling them, and I say, "Of course you do!" We know what we want to know. If our knowing is not in agreement with our ego self, we have a little tantrum and say "I don't know! You tell me!!" thereby shifting the responsibility of our knowing onto someone else. It works until it doesn't, until that day that your spirit says to you, "Listen here, I have been telling you for months that your relationship with so and so is over and you are not listening. Now, I will attract a situation to you that will prove to you that which you already know, it's time to be done with him/her." You go about your business and suddenly planted directly in your path is proof that your proof that your information has been correct all along, proof that your relationship with so and so IS over, you just didn't want that to be the answer. I know, it stinks.

The way the Universe presents all of this to me is like this; first we get an idea that so and so is cheating, we squash it down because that makes us feel better. Second, we have a dream or some other intuitive hit that our first intuitive hit was correct, we dismiss it because it is also uncomfortable. During this process we adjust ourselves to becoming more at home with the discomfort because it's really our "imagination". We remove ourselves further and further from our spirit home base and this simultaneously lowers our self-esteem. It is a vicious cycle of denial and non-trust. Finally, when we are presented with the proof that so and so is cheating on us we act all surprised, you know, because we had no idea...right.

Tap, tap, shove. First you get an intuitive tap on the shoulder that something may be wrong, then you get a second intuitive tap on the shoulder, if after these first taps we have not trusted our intuition, we get the shove. The shove is generally much more dramatic and intense but it does get our attention!

We are not arbitrarily picked out to have tough lessons in life, this is life. It is our choice to flow with our innate intuitive process and lessen the blows or paddle upstream and create extra resistance. If you began today to view each challenge as a lesson, like in school, what do you suppose you would be learning? What could the teaching be? If someone gave you all the answers would your knowing be your own? Keep in mind, the teaching will be one that will elevate, enlighten and empower you. When you have identified what your truths are in the lesson, you will pass that lesson and move on with your life. It is a gentle and flowing process when we allow it. It may be that you need some gentle guidance through the white water of your life, if so, ask for it. This is the blessing of living in this time in history; the availability of wise and wonderful energy workers is huge!

You are on your perfect path and when you come to the bumps in the road, I pray for you to have the strength to trust yourself and to know what you know.

May you be blessed.

Thursday, November 1, 2007

Twenty pounds ago, I was invisible

Twenty pounds ago I was invisible.

Ten years ago I quit smoking and promptly gained 20 pounds. Three months after quitting smoking I became pregnant with my daughter and gained another 43 pounds, a grand total of 63 pounds. My third pregnancy began in my 38th year. The doctors called me a geriatric mother due to the fact that when my daughter graduates high school I will be retirement age. Gee, thanks doc!

Being an eternal optimist I waited for a few years for the weight to just go away. This was not one of my more successful optimistic thoughts!

I tried a strong exercise, small meal program with my husband. He was wildly successful and I lost about a half an ounce. A couple of years after that I tried a low carb plan which surprisingly was a good match for me. At this time I was only down 10 pounds from my delivery weight, I was depressed and very sad inside my skin. The extra weight was like a body barrier, it kept most people away. I would occasionally indulge myself with self-pity and harshly judge those who were obviously repulsed by my fat. If they weren't so judgmental about body image they would have the courage and integrity to make eye contact or smile at me. Yes, I was invisible.

It is an odyssey to suddenly become attractive and noticed and to feel so sincerely that I am still the same person who wore that body barrier. Or am I?

Today while at the grocery store there was a man who thought it completely appropriate to stare shamelessly and attempt to proposition me, it sent my mind reeling; why is it suddenly OK for a complete stranger to approach me in this personal and intimate manner? The woman behind the deli counter scrambled to help me feel safe under his overt sexual innuendo and we were both left feeling slightly violated I believe. So is it me or is it "them" creating and validating my self-pity?

Self-pity has no place on the healing path of weight loss, trauma recovery, financial woes or any issue that requires our presence and attention. Self-pity is like taking the air out of our own cars tires and then expecting the car to run smoothly. Was it true that I was invisible to others when I was more overweight? Or is it true that I used that body barrier as just that, a barrier to protect myself from the crass and intrusive energy I felt today at the deli? Either way, I let myself be taken by the negative gravitational pull of the media influence and my self-image.

This is not my first trip from fat to thin and this is not my first time examining this exact issue however I have a few more miles and a lot more wisdom than I did 20 years ago when it first occurred. Two decades and three children later my position has shifted.

My body is just that, my body. I am no safer or vulnerable than I believe myself to be. My body was reflecting clearly that my boundaries were weak. My self-discipline and self respect were cloaked in layers of fat that drown out my inner sparkle. After a life-altering hip injury 4 years ago, I resigned myself to live the story of a broken but good woman that "couldn't" exercise.

Five months ago I felt the welling up inside to reclaim my sparkle. I want to shine and I want to be attractive. I want to look in the mirror and see the face and body that match the heart and spirit that is me. In the almost 9 years since my daughter was born, my inner world has undergone a complete transformation. The fear that I may have felt in the past by the man at the deli is now simply an understanding that while he may choose to express himself without boundaries, I can choose to witness his humanity, not my vulnerability. In reality he did not harm me. In order to shine we must undergo a thorough scrubbing where we wash away our illusion that outer attractiveness has soul power. Soul power is what we gain while being scrubbed vigorously by life. Soul power is what is gained when we put our shoulders back, slip into those size 10's, 14's, 16's or 18's and make no apologies for the size of our current body. We are, in every moment doing the best that we can with the information we possess.

It has been a beautiful unfoldment to feel my ribs begin to reveal themselves again, to see the curves in my legs return and best of all to find my well hidden waistline! When I look in the mirror I recognize those eyes, yes they have some laugh lines and perhaps the grooves beside my smile are a bit deeper, but there a smile.

It is comfortable to live within my boundaries for they are not the edge-less reality of an unhealthy body with an unhealthy matching mind. My boundaries include feeding my wonderfully resilient body with whole healthy foods, lots and lots of water, supporting my inner systems with proper supplements and opening my spirit to receive the wisdom and love available everywhere I turn.

May you be greeted with joyous smiles and love today.