Tuesday, September 15, 2009

To My Family: "Sad to Leave" - From: Alma

Hello Readers,
This message came channeled by a woman who passed last Thursday, Alma Crowder. I did not know her but know members of her family. Alma passed as a result of a tragic car accident which left her sons Ryan and Jesse hospitalized from the injuries they sustained.
Beyond prayer, there are two ways we can help this family -

Thursday, 9/17/09 upstairs at The Cantina Restaurant in Santa Rosa
There will be a fund raiser to help the family cover final expenses for
Alma and uncovered medical expenses for Ryan and Jesse. The fund raiser
will begin at 8:00pm - 2:00am - $5 minimum donation appreciated
ALL proceeds will go directly to the Crowder Fund.

Second, an account has been set-up at Summit State Bank under the name
Of : Crowder Fund
While we understand this is a time of great financial need for many, my prayer is that we can come together and show this family that there is great love and support for them in this time of great loss. Please do what you can, and thank you in advance.

Here is Alma’s message, incredibly stated and meaningful for us all to hear:

I was a 42 year old woman, wife, mother, grandmother, sister, daughter, I was not ready to go. I did not want to leave but I did not know how to stay.
Years ago I began making choices that built a shaky foundation upon which I would build my life and the lives of my children. I remember making choices about partying and at first, it was just "for fun". I don't remember having fun now as I am filled with sorrow. I view the wreckage of my life, my children's lives and wonder, could I have made a different choice, at any time? Did I fail completely?
It seems like I was always looking for a way to leave whether it was with drugs or illness, it was like death was always lurking just beyond my next decision. There would be small moments when I would feel there was a chance to live in the light, beyond the addiction and self-destruction. All it would take though was one dark thought, one inkling that I wasn't worthy, one instant in which I was sure I was damaged beyond repair and that was my permission slip to return back into the seduction of drugs and drama.
I am coming through to say to my children; you are all adults, take this opportunity to view my life not as a failure but rather as an education. The way I behaved in life was to escape at every turn, to blame and fight, and I know that these are traits I will need to live again so that I can overcome their damage. Everything you do, everything you say is an opportunity to rewrite the script of your life, it is never too late.
The tragedy of my death is no more or less than the tragedy of my life. Do not carry forward regret on my behalf by living regrettable choices yourself. I am wise, and have always been so. I understand that wisdom does not always guarantee using the free will choice with the highest honor. I dishonored my physical body, I dishonored vows and sacred agreements. Know that integrity is our innate state of being, and when you choose to dishonor yourself, anyone or anything else to get what you want you have stepped off the track of wisdom. Needs fulfilled at the expense of your own honor will bring about circumstances in which you will be forced to experience dishonor on a deeper level. Wants fulfilled at the expense of anyone else will bring about a state of neediness.On the other hand, simple steps taken with clean intention will be rewarded with a path of purity to your soul. This is what is true, live clean. Be honest with yourself and know that my love is with you always while you heal and grow.
Please know that I am at peace and out of any mental, emotional and physical pain I ever had.
My sign for you is quarters, when you find them you will know I have popped in
To give you a smile.

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