Monday, March 28, 2011

Can I talk to you for a minute?

What if we took a second - that's all it will take - to remind the person next to you, or text to that they are loved beyond measure. Period. No qualifiers, no reasons, no guilt. Just an unsolicited reminder that simply by being there, by living and breathing, by being who their are - they are loved.

At 50 years old, I am blessed by someone who loves me in this way. The pressure to work hard, to be skinny, perfect, cheerful, strong, fragile, kind patient...that pressure is gone. Bye bye.

The energy previously spent on receiving qualified and quantified approval/love still spins and swirls! I have not mastered the talent to simply be and feel safe and secure in the love. I struggle to sit and allow myself to be served. I jump up and try to work really hard and really fast so that he will know how much I love him. Wait! What did I say?
That doesn't even make sense!

Why do I have to work hard and fast to prove my love? We know, it's because my value in the past was equal to the amount of work I produced. Mountains of laundry, miles of vacuuming, tons of food preparation...Sad when I see how little I thought of myself. No one forced me to do these things, there was no gun to my head. I held a misguided belief that without all of my efforts I was not going to be loved.

Trust me, this did not come from a difficult childhood. I was not mistreated or unloved, this is a part of the package I incarnated with. I came to learn that I am lovable simply by being, simply by existing.

I believe in miracles. I believe we all can have and receive and believe in this miracle of love. You are loved beyond measure, believe it.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

To Japan, with love.

Shadows of fear and sorrow fading giving way to the rays of sunshine flowing through my heart sending love to Japan. Remember to pray.

Friday, March 25, 2011

Sick or well, it's my choice

How are you? I am fine. No, really, I am fine. You may not know it by the multitude of tests I have endured at the hands of the medical professionals recently, but yes, I am fine.

The oddessy began last September with what I identified as a gall bladder attack. Doubled over in breathless pain - whew! Fifteen minutes later finally able to stand-up and left with a shadow of the pain. Huh...well I'll just wait and see.

A month later the pain persists so I see my doc. She tells me I must have indigestion - wow really? So my stomach is now located under the right lower side of my ribcage? That's odd, I wonder when it moved?

We started with an x-ray -negative. Ultrasound - negative...months go by, pain continues...take Prilosec, take Prilosec and Pepcid, no, no take 2 Prilosec's twice a day and skip the Pepcid, that was a dumb says new G.I. doc. Ok. I comply, and comply and comply with zero results.

Let's give you an endoscopy and get to the bottom of this, let's also give you a colonoscopy while where at it, you know since you're over 50 - fancy.
Oh wait! How about a CT scan just for kicks? CT-scan-negative oh but they did find an ovarian cyst! Jeeze...yes, I'm extra tired of being poked, giving blood and basically being examined so thoroughly!

Today I remembered...these folks are "practicing medicine". Practice, yes they practice because - hey - guess what? We are individuals! We all feel things differently! Wow what a concept! My pain and your pain are different! The issue does not lie in our perception of pain. The issue is-are we being heard? I lost count of how many times I relayed my symptoms and location of pain, where it originates and radiates to only to be told I have indigestion.

The wise thing for me to do now is stop. Stop this machine that does not listen, that is not interested in variables, that wants to move me through and stamp me "Healthy".

I decided today that Kaiser Permanente does not decide whether I am healthy or not, I do. Damn it...I do. So for today, and possibly for tomorrow, I will pretend that I have no symptoms. I am happy, I am healthy, and by God, I am going to finish this blog and spend the weekend happily in my very happy life.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Message from Roberto

The man I see is morbidly obese, dark complected. I see the name Roberto. He is telling me he was crushed by the weight of his own body. He suffered for years. He could not move on his own accord. Throughout the 7 years prior to his passing he learned of love, compassion and forgiveness - for himself. At the age of 35 he met a woman that came to care for him. I feel there was a language barrier so they could not speak, rather he could only feel her compassion and caring through the care she gave him. He loved her, she is the only woman he ever loved. I believe her name started with a J.

After 42 years of he chose to surrender. He removed the oxygen himself. He wants his mother Rita to know that he felt her hold his hand as he took his last breath. He felt ashamed of his shape and form his entire life. There was an organic problem that went undetected for nearly 30 years - it was too late for corrections to be made by the time it was discovered.

Roberto died in peace, he wants you to know that he did not suffer and he does not suffer now. I see a beautiful rainbow that those who love him should associate with his spirit.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Defining The Work

What exactly is this work that I do?

When I look at the websites of fellow psychics I wonder, do they wonder too? Do they wonder how it is that these words and feelings come through us to be delivered to you at the exact time you need to hear them?

I wonder if they wonder at the syncronicity that is in place to bring us together with you, our clients? The sheer miracle of divine timing that allowed our paths to cross?

These are things I wonder. What exactly happens when you sit in the chair before me, or pick up your phone when I call?

I hear your name, your date of birth and feelings well up, snippets of scenes cross through my consciousness, a scent, a pain, a voice, they come through me.

It is amazing when I ask you, "Who is it on the other side that had this constant shortness of breath, a woman the generation above you that was known for the apron she wore..." and you tell me, "Oh, that's my Grandma Betty." It is beautiful the way the spirit will paint a picture of the message rather than me saying "Grandma Betty is here". I love this process of discovery, I love it when you talk as much as I do!

So if you ever wondered, I wonder too. It is such a pleasure to be a part of your life path, tears, laughter, anger and joy. This is life.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

In The Name of God

If you wonder as I do, why must a horrific tragedy occur as the earthquake, subsequent tsunami and threat of nuclear melt down in Japan? The pathway in my mind is frought with fear and horror.

As the days have passed I have felt my heart begin to feel some light again, though it is guarded and cautious. The desire to close my eyes and reopen them to learn it was all a dream looms large. I want health and wellness, life and abundance for all of Gods children. Many today are without warmth, food, family and shelter.

It has taken days to come back to the place of my peace: my faith. Powerlessness is darkness. We may be physically powerless to make a difference to those suffering in Japan but we are not spiritually powerless. There is power in every thought, the power to express darkness and fear and the power to express light and faith. Let each thought resonate from the place of faith that God has not abandoned us.

Perhaps the timing is such that we are beginning or willing to recognize that the darkness that controls us is something we can transform and transmute. Within each of us is the seed of evolution and transformation. To remain captive to the darkness of fear is to say, "I have no faith." It is a choice, believe it or not, it is a choice.

Today I feel strong in my faith. I feel strong to make the choice to believe that my prayer and my love can extend my body, traverse time and space and bring light to those who are being tested beyond anything I can fathom. Won't you join me today in showing our faith by sending our prayers of healing and lightness of heart?

We do possess the power to reignite hope. Believe with me.