Friday, March 25, 2011

Sick or well, it's my choice

How are you? I am fine. No, really, I am fine. You may not know it by the multitude of tests I have endured at the hands of the medical professionals recently, but yes, I am fine.

The oddessy began last September with what I identified as a gall bladder attack. Doubled over in breathless pain - whew! Fifteen minutes later finally able to stand-up and left with a shadow of the pain. Huh...well I'll just wait and see.

A month later the pain persists so I see my doc. She tells me I must have indigestion - wow really? So my stomach is now located under the right lower side of my ribcage? That's odd, I wonder when it moved?

We started with an x-ray -negative. Ultrasound - negative...months go by, pain continues...take Prilosec, take Prilosec and Pepcid, no, no take 2 Prilosec's twice a day and skip the Pepcid, that was a dumb says new G.I. doc. Ok. I comply, and comply and comply with zero results.

Let's give you an endoscopy and get to the bottom of this, let's also give you a colonoscopy while where at it, you know since you're over 50 - fancy.
Oh wait! How about a CT scan just for kicks? CT-scan-negative oh but they did find an ovarian cyst! Jeeze...yes, I'm extra tired of being poked, giving blood and basically being examined so thoroughly!

Today I remembered...these folks are "practicing medicine". Practice, yes they practice because - hey - guess what? We are individuals! We all feel things differently! Wow what a concept! My pain and your pain are different! The issue does not lie in our perception of pain. The issue is-are we being heard? I lost count of how many times I relayed my symptoms and location of pain, where it originates and radiates to only to be told I have indigestion.

The wise thing for me to do now is stop. Stop this machine that does not listen, that is not interested in variables, that wants to move me through and stamp me "Healthy".

I decided today that Kaiser Permanente does not decide whether I am healthy or not, I do. Damn it...I do. So for today, and possibly for tomorrow, I will pretend that I have no symptoms. I am happy, I am healthy, and by God, I am going to finish this blog and spend the weekend happily in my very happy life.


  1. I feel your pain and frustration. I spent a YEAR trying to figure out some things with me, and finally into the SECOND year, they a/k/a Kaiser are finally HEARING me. And there is some light at the end of the tunnel. Hang in there, but if y...ou're not comfortable with what they are telling you, seek help outside the foundation. It's your life, not theirs, so they have time to put you on the back burner, you don't. Have a good weekend, a loving weekend. Go out and make memories. EVERY day is a day we can make memories. Love you lots!See More
    about a minute ago

  2. WOOT woot, I love how you are handling this Julie. It takes guts, courage and trust to decide you are happy, healthy and whole.

    I totally understand having gone thru my own battles, but it took me over 20 years to finally decide that my happiness health and wellness is my responsibility.

    I know you are strong and will BE happy and will find the answers to what doctors cannot find. The thing about doctors when they say they are "practicing medicine" they are practicing and they really have no clue or idea. They keep ordering tests after test after test because they are practicing trying to figure it out. We as a society put too much trust and faith into these physicians who really are just practicing medicine.

    Sending you love and light.