If you were raised by a controlling parent, are you surprised to find yourself married to a control freak? Are you surprised when you divorce that person and your child treats you in the manner they have witnessed through their life? Perhaps after you come to terms with that you realize that your boss has been using you for years? Surprised may not be the right word, maybe you feel perplexed, cursed or doomed to be a doormat for the all of your lifetime! Fear not!
The first teachers we have come in the form of our parents. Aren’t we surprised when we become parents we realize that there is no manual? We tenderly love the babies, care for and nurture them with all our baggage… Oh wait, did I say that? Oops! Generation upon generation we pass certain inherited traits on to our children in complete innocence.
The level of security we feel as children relates to being held close, watched over and having our basic needs met. As adults we position ourselves to experience these things by getting into relationships, jobs and partnerships. As we work our way into this perceived state of safety and comfort there is discomfort. It is as if we are working our way through the neck of a bottle (not unlike the birth canal) to receive our first breath. Independence and responsibility are great freedoms we enjoy by working our way out. Tricky thing though, sometimes when we are working our way to achieve these external measures of comfort, we are working our way into the bottle not out.
The inside of the bottle initially feels safe and secure. Look around, it’s like the Genie’s bottle, it’s got comfort and warmth, it could be lavishly decorated with beautiful things that make you feel successful. Ah, I have arrived. The sense of accomplishment lasts until you realize you are in the bottle with that old cast of characters we mentioned earlier making your confinement anything but comfortable.
After all the effort to arrive, we realize that old saying is true, “wherever I go, there I am.” Although at first glance we say, why am I still dealing with them? With that-control, disrespect, abuse, choose your kryptonite…why? We affirm that there is something wrong with us that we continually choose the same type of person or situation that traps us. We’re in that bottle we asked for but there’s a damn cork on the top! Are you telling me I have to work my way back up through the neck of the bottle to escape this mess?
Yes, yes I am. If upon arriving at your place of comfort you are met with the same situation that you were working away from then by all means, begin your journey back out, here’s why; As children we learn that comfort and security lies in the hands of other people. We mistakenly take this belief into adulthood where we believe that the right husband/wife/boss/partner will give us the strength/security/adoration we received from our parents. The truth is, we are granted the privilege of making choices that affirm there is not something wrong with us! Not even that there is something wrong with them! The truth is that we are freedom seeking beings. Attachment to another person as our source of strength or stability is the opposite of freedom.
Each time we place our security in the hands of anyone else, we are disappointed. Deeply disappointed. This says nothing about them and their willingness and ability to fulfill our every need it does say everything about the displacement of responsibility. Anytime we surrender the responsibility of our happiness and destiny to a completely separate person we are making the trek into the bottle. Trust me, birth only goes one way-and that is out.
The tools you need and the knowledge you uncover come in the neck of the bottle. The passage feels narrow and dark but you are not alone. You are never alone.
In the tunnel we pray and beg for answers and guidance. The answers do not come when we are frantic. The questions are answered when we stretch beyond our comfort zone to reach out to the world to ask for help. When we take action on our own behalf the divine spark of your soul is lit! Call it God, the Universe, Goddess, High Self, which ever you choose. Our divine source feeds us the knowledge and wisdom when we are at our hungriest, when it will satiate us the most. It is then when we are rich. When we are fed by God we have received the blessing to expand beyond the perception that confinement is security.
Each journey in and out of the bottle we encounter those characters we have met in and through our whole lives. Each time we make the passage we take new information on what worked best to remain standing in the face of our kryptonite. Notice that the lessons being delivered come from a person who is further out in your universe. In other words, it is no longer a parent or spouse that antagonizes you it is a co-worker or boss. You can determine your standing by noticing how far removed you are from the source of the behavior.
This is life friends. Journeys in and out of the bottle epitomize our fluctuation between security and seeking. In our desire for freedom we may make a trip back into the bottle to remember that freedom lies in our ability to stand alone and choose our next step. Those folks that can take the journey through the neck of the bottle appreciate the wealth of accepting complete responsibility for creating life as a glorious and divine expression of you.
May you be blessed with true partners on your journey through the neck of the bottle.