I recently met a woman who came for her first reading ever. In her life she has experienced intense trauma and grief. At the age of 23 her husband was murdered in front of she and her 2 year old son, he died in her lap. Subsequently her brother, mother, father and other brother all passed away. Mind boggling loss.
She is accomplished in her life and profession with the exception of her partners. Over and over she has been taken advantage of, lied to and disrespected by the men she chose. When I asked her if she wanted an intimate relationship she couldn't answer right away. History had shown her it wasn't safe to allow herself to bond closely with a partner, after all, her first love was brutally taken from her at the ripe young age of 23. It was a simple question but one that she took home to ponder.
Her relationship with her father had been one of great love and respect, in both directions. I encouraged her to remember the feelings she had when her dad was here, that feeling of allowing herself to receive his love and support. If we have a memory of anything, it can be activated by our conscious attention. This is why we serve ourselves best when we stop retelling our traumatic stories. If our desire is to move out of old conditioning, we must consciously let go of the disempowering memories and events of the past. It's a practice. Like all things that we learn, we first practiced. Be patient as you practice telling yourself a happier story of who you were. Every choice made in the past came from an innocent desire for love. Let yourself off the hook for the way you conducted yourself before you knew how to do it better. Baby steps...you'll get there.