Monday, June 27, 2016

Grief

It’s been a very long time since my father died – 25 years. Recently I had the thought that I understood grief but didn’t actually remember the depth of the pain. When my brother made his journey home on March 12 my family’s life has changed forever. Obviously. In the ensuing weeks I have run a cycle of being paralyzed, numb and sad to my core. Last week anger set-in. I didn’t feel angry at anyone, just anger rumbling around in my mind and body. I wanted to lash out a...nd unburden myself of the pain I was feeling and witnessing in my family. Part of me wants to scream and the other part wants silence.

Physical death is finite; no more talks and laughs, no more hugs. Transitioning from our mortal relationship to the spiritual is personal and we process at our own speed in our own way. Friends ask what they can do… we do not have an answer. To summon up a request from the depth of our pain is (in my experience) nearly impossible. If you would like to do something for your grieving friend or loved one – just do it. Please do not feel offended that they do not take you up on your offer of “if you need anything call” that’s simply not going to happen.

It is lovely to receive a check-in; to know we’re being thought of – that feels really good. Keep it brief; know that we may not have the energy to hear about what you are going through in your life. It is not that we do not care, it is that we simply do not have the bandwidth to hold the space for you right now.

It is hard to put yourself in another person’s shoes especially when you too are affected by the loss. I think the key to showing up is to be considerate as we process our life change and step slowly into the new normal our life is becoming. Thank you for being there and holding our hearts in your prayers.

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