Change is in the air and vibrating down through to our core. As we continue down life's road we confront situations and lessons that provide great challenge and discomfort. It has been apparent that collectively we are all making big decisions. These choices may appear small however, the shifts we are making will transform the manner in which we conduct ourselves in relationship for all time.
Many of you are choosing freedom of choice, speech and expression - sound familiar? I believe that we are progressing down a path in which each of us choose to be fully expressed without censorship. We are changing the rules of our lives and in turn changing the rules of our relationships. All of this shifting may have some feeling left behind, confused or excluded. We owe it to ourselves to compassionately explain our shifts when desirable and release any and all need to defend them. A single powerful sign of growth, change and empowerment is to release the need to defend yourself - to anyone. The truth you are living is intimate.
There will be people and situations you leave behind, those that do not support or enhance your growth, this is nature. Forever is left only to the spirit. When we notice that relationships we had marked as "permanent" and "forever" are coming to an end, we can know that this is all part of the process of evolution. There truly is no need to point fingers of blame about why things have grown apart, it is simply a part of living, it is healthy to shed.
Whatever space becomes available as a result of those changes may now be filled with experiences that are a vibrational match to you.
As always, listen to your intuition and allow yourself to be divinely guided to and from the situations in life that do not support your feeling of abundant well being.
If anywhere along this path I may be of service to you, please do contact me.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Breaking Illusion, the painful trip back to reality
Have you ever been in a relationship, long term or otherwise and you come to the day when you realize that that person you have connected to is not who you believed them to be? Perhaps you held this person in high esteem, believed them to be of impeccable integrity only to find out that in these characteristics were the illusion?
I have been recognizing betrayal lately as a theme among clients. I believe in addition to betrayal we are discovering the breaking of illusion. It is occurring from the highest levels of government and big business all the way down to us, the individuals. I believe that what occurs globally is the outward expression of that which we are being called to work on individually. We have been oppressed by a group that hold themselves separate and above the majority yet, if we were to take our own inventory we may find that we have allowed ourselves the same leeway that large corporations have. A little white lie here or there, who’s going to know? The Universe does indeed know. We may choose to turn a blind eye to behaviors our people close to us may engage in, behavior that is less than honorable, but in that same moment, we are lending our energy to the support of that behavior. A stretch you say? Until we choose to show our backbone as individuals, we may expect business as usual. It is neither comfortable nor desirable to have to call a friend or family member on their “stuff”. Neither is it acceptable to continue status quo.
What I refer to in calling someone on their “stuff” is not to the open door to judge their behavior, more exactly, it is to judge your behavior. Is it in alignment for you to participate in a relationship where you have witnessed the breaking of your illusion? Can you remain connected to this person in spite of the new light that has shone on them?
This is a big time of divorcing ourselves from behavior that does not support who we are today. Perhaps the relationship fit in the past and now you have grown in two directions, it happens. I urge you to use maturity and compassion as you walk through the divorces of your life. They come not only in marriage but in friendship and employment as well. Be honest with yourself. Did you let things slide in the past that you can no longer allow? Ultimately it is about you, not the other person.
As anger arises over your feeling of betrayal over who that person truly is, you owe it to yourself to look at where you allowed the first instance of your boundaries to blur. It is about you. It is about keeping your “house” clean.
Every choice matters. Choose carefully which missions you send your energy out to support and accept personal responsibility for the results which you are then “married” to. The energetic missions are akin to a vow, that which we commit ourselves to we are a part of. In the acceptance of your part of the break in illusion, you accept responsibility for releasing the past and reaffirming where you are most happy to commit your energetic ties.
We are all a work in progress learning in our own individual way. The pain of ending relationships could be somewhat softened when we accept that the next time we are tempted to blur our boundaries, or allow a relationship in that is not a good match, we have the power to say “no” to compromising our values and move on.
I have been recognizing betrayal lately as a theme among clients. I believe in addition to betrayal we are discovering the breaking of illusion. It is occurring from the highest levels of government and big business all the way down to us, the individuals. I believe that what occurs globally is the outward expression of that which we are being called to work on individually. We have been oppressed by a group that hold themselves separate and above the majority yet, if we were to take our own inventory we may find that we have allowed ourselves the same leeway that large corporations have. A little white lie here or there, who’s going to know? The Universe does indeed know. We may choose to turn a blind eye to behaviors our people close to us may engage in, behavior that is less than honorable, but in that same moment, we are lending our energy to the support of that behavior. A stretch you say? Until we choose to show our backbone as individuals, we may expect business as usual. It is neither comfortable nor desirable to have to call a friend or family member on their “stuff”. Neither is it acceptable to continue status quo.
What I refer to in calling someone on their “stuff” is not to the open door to judge their behavior, more exactly, it is to judge your behavior. Is it in alignment for you to participate in a relationship where you have witnessed the breaking of your illusion? Can you remain connected to this person in spite of the new light that has shone on them?
This is a big time of divorcing ourselves from behavior that does not support who we are today. Perhaps the relationship fit in the past and now you have grown in two directions, it happens. I urge you to use maturity and compassion as you walk through the divorces of your life. They come not only in marriage but in friendship and employment as well. Be honest with yourself. Did you let things slide in the past that you can no longer allow? Ultimately it is about you, not the other person.
As anger arises over your feeling of betrayal over who that person truly is, you owe it to yourself to look at where you allowed the first instance of your boundaries to blur. It is about you. It is about keeping your “house” clean.
Every choice matters. Choose carefully which missions you send your energy out to support and accept personal responsibility for the results which you are then “married” to. The energetic missions are akin to a vow, that which we commit ourselves to we are a part of. In the acceptance of your part of the break in illusion, you accept responsibility for releasing the past and reaffirming where you are most happy to commit your energetic ties.
We are all a work in progress learning in our own individual way. The pain of ending relationships could be somewhat softened when we accept that the next time we are tempted to blur our boundaries, or allow a relationship in that is not a good match, we have the power to say “no” to compromising our values and move on.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Happy June
Greetings friends and happy June to you! As I write the sun is peeking through my window and outside drying the rain that fell this morning - what? It's June right? The promise of warmth and sunshine prompts me to share a message of optimism and hope for our summer season.
Has your world produced evidence for you that says things are looking up? Could be something major like a new job? New relationship? Old relationship feeling new again? Been set free from an unhealthy relationship? Have you noticed tiny little thoughts of hope? Acknowledgement of your worth through community support? What is it for you?
Is the new vibration elusive to you? That's ok too! Our life is the result of our thoughts. Do your thoughts allow space for change? For shift and flow? Or do your thoughts repeat the "it is hard" message? As you affirm consciously and subconsciously that any process of life is "hard" we surrender our power. We have mastered the ability to talk ourselves out of growth and into being hard, we can, with the same repetitive effort talk ourselves into ease and grace!
Here's a little practice picked up along my path; anytime the message you experience is "hard", release that message and all it's baggage into a beautiful pink balloon and let it go. Repeat as necessary! That may be once, or it may be a hundred times repeated! It is worth the effort. We didn't consciously realize we were convincing ourselves to believe life is hard, but we can consciously create thoughts that say life can flow. The pink represents love, and the release represents surrender to all that is. Trust that this practice can create a new opening for a new, higher and more comfortable vibration to take root within your being.
Sending you a big started bouquet of pink balloons for your new feelings of life and light to bloom.
May you blessed to receive the light and love that lingers near you always!
Has your world produced evidence for you that says things are looking up? Could be something major like a new job? New relationship? Old relationship feeling new again? Been set free from an unhealthy relationship? Have you noticed tiny little thoughts of hope? Acknowledgement of your worth through community support? What is it for you?
Is the new vibration elusive to you? That's ok too! Our life is the result of our thoughts. Do your thoughts allow space for change? For shift and flow? Or do your thoughts repeat the "it is hard" message? As you affirm consciously and subconsciously that any process of life is "hard" we surrender our power. We have mastered the ability to talk ourselves out of growth and into being hard, we can, with the same repetitive effort talk ourselves into ease and grace!
Here's a little practice picked up along my path; anytime the message you experience is "hard", release that message and all it's baggage into a beautiful pink balloon and let it go. Repeat as necessary! That may be once, or it may be a hundred times repeated! It is worth the effort. We didn't consciously realize we were convincing ourselves to believe life is hard, but we can consciously create thoughts that say life can flow. The pink represents love, and the release represents surrender to all that is. Trust that this practice can create a new opening for a new, higher and more comfortable vibration to take root within your being.
Sending you a big started bouquet of pink balloons for your new feelings of life and light to bloom.
May you blessed to receive the light and love that lingers near you always!
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Mortality vs. Faith
Have you ever had surgery? You know, you go into the doc and they casually tell you
you need surgery and it will all be great! So you're swept up in the awesome
wave of - this is going to make EVERYTHING ALL BETTER! And you float away on the dreamy little cloud to go home and make arrangements for all things to be cared for
during your recovery.
Then it happens...a little voice in the back of your head says; "What if I don't wake up?" I hope this does not or has not happened to you but it did for me, big time.
Each time that little voice of fear (that was really not so little) reared it's ugly head I focused on what I will be able to do with my new hip - hiking, playing at the beach, rock hunting, wearing pretty girl shoes, the list goes on and on. I knew the
mechanism I needed in place to help me get through all this negativity was to focus
on what I wanted and that I did.
The voice was persistent. I found myself examining my children's and husbands
world without me. I was thankful that we had recently gotten a life insurance policy on me, at least he could pay off our debt but what about my babies and my husband? How would my mother cope? I want to see my grand babies darn it! I want to see my sons mature into the incredible men that I know they are becoming! I need to see my daughter mature into the powerhouse of a woman I am positive she will be! As for my husband, I am not ready to let go of the depth and maturity our marriage has been blessed with in the recent years...still the voice persisted.
After about 5 weeks of this mental torture I sat down at the computer and wrote my husband a letter, it was my "If I don't wake up letter". As I wrote my wishes the image of me laying in a recovery room at the hospital became clearer and clearer though I still had my doubts. Writing the letter, saying goodbye without saying goodbye was incredibly sad. I sobbed uncontrollably. Strangely when I felt I had said all that I needed to say I felt that sense you get when depression has just left, I felt sunshine inside my mind and lightness inside my heart. I saved and closed the file and walked away knowing that this was all that I could do and it was
done.
The week before surgery I was sitting in the steam room at the gym and had a visit from a woman who has passed away about 7 years ago, her name is Micah. I asked her if I was going to die during the surgery and she very casually said, "No, your clock is still running." Then she showed me that on the top of my head a clock was running,
like the one on Alice in Wonderland that has both hands spinning round and round. Oh, OK, my clock is still running then.
Being a spiritual and faithful woman, experiencing this plane of fear rattled my faith - for a minute, OK, a month! Now that I am on this side of the surgery and very much still "here", I know and trust that the exercise I went through to get to the surgery will be a lesson that will be useful somewhere down the road. Now, I'm going to delete my letter.
Have a wonderful day!
you need surgery and it will all be great! So you're swept up in the awesome
wave of - this is going to make EVERYTHING ALL BETTER! And you float away on the dreamy little cloud to go home and make arrangements for all things to be cared for
during your recovery.
Then it happens...a little voice in the back of your head says; "What if I don't wake up?" I hope this does not or has not happened to you but it did for me, big time.
Each time that little voice of fear (that was really not so little) reared it's ugly head I focused on what I will be able to do with my new hip - hiking, playing at the beach, rock hunting, wearing pretty girl shoes, the list goes on and on. I knew the
mechanism I needed in place to help me get through all this negativity was to focus
on what I wanted and that I did.
The voice was persistent. I found myself examining my children's and husbands
world without me. I was thankful that we had recently gotten a life insurance policy on me, at least he could pay off our debt but what about my babies and my husband? How would my mother cope? I want to see my grand babies darn it! I want to see my sons mature into the incredible men that I know they are becoming! I need to see my daughter mature into the powerhouse of a woman I am positive she will be! As for my husband, I am not ready to let go of the depth and maturity our marriage has been blessed with in the recent years...still the voice persisted.
After about 5 weeks of this mental torture I sat down at the computer and wrote my husband a letter, it was my "If I don't wake up letter". As I wrote my wishes the image of me laying in a recovery room at the hospital became clearer and clearer though I still had my doubts. Writing the letter, saying goodbye without saying goodbye was incredibly sad. I sobbed uncontrollably. Strangely when I felt I had said all that I needed to say I felt that sense you get when depression has just left, I felt sunshine inside my mind and lightness inside my heart. I saved and closed the file and walked away knowing that this was all that I could do and it was
done.
The week before surgery I was sitting in the steam room at the gym and had a visit from a woman who has passed away about 7 years ago, her name is Micah. I asked her if I was going to die during the surgery and she very casually said, "No, your clock is still running." Then she showed me that on the top of my head a clock was running,
like the one on Alice in Wonderland that has both hands spinning round and round. Oh, OK, my clock is still running then.
Being a spiritual and faithful woman, experiencing this plane of fear rattled my faith - for a minute, OK, a month! Now that I am on this side of the surgery and very much still "here", I know and trust that the exercise I went through to get to the surgery will be a lesson that will be useful somewhere down the road. Now, I'm going to delete my letter.
Have a wonderful day!
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
It's all about receiving
My very first psychic mentor, Pam, was perhaps one of the biggest gifts I have received in this lifetime. At the time she fell into my life I was terribly unhappy and struggling to make my marriage work. By struggling I mean that I was spinning my wheels as quickly as I could and still feeling as though I needed to do more.
It felt as though no matter how clean the house was, how well I cared for the kids,
how thin I was, how cheerful I was, nothing was good enough. Whether this was literally true or not, this was how I felt.
I learned so much from Pam that still, 15 years later I find myself remembering specific moments with her where I reached such clarity and truth that I knew
there would be no turning back. The moment I made the committment to learn as much as I could from this generous and wise friend all the rules changed.
As it is with your favorite or most influential teacher there are key phrases that will ring through your consciousness 'til the end of time. One of Pam's frequent
and enduring truths was this: "It's all about receiving".
To be honest, in the beginning I didn't know exactly what she meant however over the years of our friendship it became alarmingly and sharply clear that that which we identify as a problem stems from our ability or inability or willingness or unwillingness to receive.
Last year I saw client after client brace up to make strong choices to leave abusive relationships whether it was a marriage, friendship or job, it seemed to be the overriding theme for 2008. It was incredible to be a part of the process and amazing
to witness the blossoming which can only occur when one is set free from the bondage
of abuse. Many people are unaware that they are in an abusive relationship, as I was myself.
As clear as it appears to friends and family that we are being mistreated, the recipient of abuse cannot see the forest for the trees. Abuse clouds and torques
our perception of who we are and what we "deserve". We pray for a "good" day, or a "pleasant meal" in which there will be no criticism, or profanity and like a starving child take the scraps of the few good moments that come our way. In the end, unless a beam of light energy makes its way into our consciousness, we feel powerless to change our situation.
The angels are delivered but do we receive them? The angels to free us, to give us wings arrive sometimes unnoticed. Do we refuse their love and support? Or is it simply so unbelievable that help has come our way we have no concept on how to receive
or let them in?
Have you ever received a compliment only to reject the gift by arguing with the giver?
"No, I haven't lost any weight,I am not pretty, not, not, not..." Who's eyes were you viewing yourself through? We owe it to ourselves to begin on a very basic level to receive. My Mom always told me to "Just say thank you honey." when I was given a compliment. Our inner evolution shows up to the world vibrationally prior to us knowing we have grown!
We respond to one another vibrationally which means, if your vibration has shifted
and someone notices it, that is a huge validation to you! Receive it! Let it in!
It means that the work you have been doing whether outwardly seeking counsel, being
in silent prayer or any other method of healing is working!
The Law of Attraction says, "What we think about, we bring about." If your thoughts
have been on improving your life and someone compliments (notices your shift) that keeps the ball rolling! If you refuse the gift you have just taken two steps backwards. Hummm, let's see, what feels better?
Culturally we have been trained to be modest. Yes, times are changing and
our daughters will have an easier time with this than we do! In the mean time,
consider that your life to this point has been a series of lessons. Some of them we "get" and some we "get to repeat"! What's the difference? The difference lies
in our willingness to receive the lesson, to receive the growth and to accept responsibility for it all! It takes practice my friends, and we may well practice
until we are complete on this planet. I encourage you, today, to receive -
even the smallest validation whether it is external or intuitive, that you are indeed
loved beyond measure and greater than you have ever let yourself believe. I believe in you, your greatness and I believe in love. Love to you today and all days.
It felt as though no matter how clean the house was, how well I cared for the kids,
how thin I was, how cheerful I was, nothing was good enough. Whether this was literally true or not, this was how I felt.
I learned so much from Pam that still, 15 years later I find myself remembering specific moments with her where I reached such clarity and truth that I knew
there would be no turning back. The moment I made the committment to learn as much as I could from this generous and wise friend all the rules changed.
As it is with your favorite or most influential teacher there are key phrases that will ring through your consciousness 'til the end of time. One of Pam's frequent
and enduring truths was this: "It's all about receiving".
To be honest, in the beginning I didn't know exactly what she meant however over the years of our friendship it became alarmingly and sharply clear that that which we identify as a problem stems from our ability or inability or willingness or unwillingness to receive.
Last year I saw client after client brace up to make strong choices to leave abusive relationships whether it was a marriage, friendship or job, it seemed to be the overriding theme for 2008. It was incredible to be a part of the process and amazing
to witness the blossoming which can only occur when one is set free from the bondage
of abuse. Many people are unaware that they are in an abusive relationship, as I was myself.
As clear as it appears to friends and family that we are being mistreated, the recipient of abuse cannot see the forest for the trees. Abuse clouds and torques
our perception of who we are and what we "deserve". We pray for a "good" day, or a "pleasant meal" in which there will be no criticism, or profanity and like a starving child take the scraps of the few good moments that come our way. In the end, unless a beam of light energy makes its way into our consciousness, we feel powerless to change our situation.
The angels are delivered but do we receive them? The angels to free us, to give us wings arrive sometimes unnoticed. Do we refuse their love and support? Or is it simply so unbelievable that help has come our way we have no concept on how to receive
or let them in?
Have you ever received a compliment only to reject the gift by arguing with the giver?
"No, I haven't lost any weight,I am not pretty, not, not, not..." Who's eyes were you viewing yourself through? We owe it to ourselves to begin on a very basic level to receive. My Mom always told me to "Just say thank you honey." when I was given a compliment. Our inner evolution shows up to the world vibrationally prior to us knowing we have grown!
We respond to one another vibrationally which means, if your vibration has shifted
and someone notices it, that is a huge validation to you! Receive it! Let it in!
It means that the work you have been doing whether outwardly seeking counsel, being
in silent prayer or any other method of healing is working!
The Law of Attraction says, "What we think about, we bring about." If your thoughts
have been on improving your life and someone compliments (notices your shift) that keeps the ball rolling! If you refuse the gift you have just taken two steps backwards. Hummm, let's see, what feels better?
Culturally we have been trained to be modest. Yes, times are changing and
our daughters will have an easier time with this than we do! In the mean time,
consider that your life to this point has been a series of lessons. Some of them we "get" and some we "get to repeat"! What's the difference? The difference lies
in our willingness to receive the lesson, to receive the growth and to accept responsibility for it all! It takes practice my friends, and we may well practice
until we are complete on this planet. I encourage you, today, to receive -
even the smallest validation whether it is external or intuitive, that you are indeed
loved beyond measure and greater than you have ever let yourself believe. I believe in you, your greatness and I believe in love. Love to you today and all days.
Monday, March 2, 2009
Mom knows best.
Growing up I had only a vague awareness of the depth of my mothers wisdom. She spoke in a language that was completely different than that of my friends moms. In witnessing interactions with my friends and their parents I have distinct memories of blame, shame and guilt. Many times I can recall knowing that my friends were being trapped by their parents in some not so clever and not so disguised word play. It was one of the shortcomings of being a psychic child - I didn't really know why I knew that their communications were twisted, I just did. I did not spend as much time at my friends homes as they did at mine, my mom offered home made wonderful food, space and unconditional love and the kids could feel the difference.
In my pre-teen years my mom was meditating, going to a psychic meditation monthly with a woman who was just breaking on to the scene, Betty Bethards - many of you know she eventually made a name for herself. I thank Betty for the teaching she gave my mom, and for opening a door that would be the one I would step through much later in life.
Mom read constantly. When she wasn't studying for her college classes, (she worked her way through junior college and Cal Berkeley while raising 3 kids) she was reading Edgar Cayce and the like. To say she was progressive is an understatement though I did not know then.
Mixed with all her maternal goodness were many new age truths that were in the early 1970's just beginning to emerge. The pearls of wisdom my mother bestowed on me are many - I spread them liberally.
Nearly 40 years before the release of "The Secret" my mom told me that "You create your reality by the beliefs you hold in consciousness." Huh - I for sure didn't get it back then though it is a gem today isn't it? What you think about, you bring about. Simple. Ok, then if it's so simple how do I get from here, to over there where I'm sure things are waaaay better?
One of the pearls of my mothers wisdom said this; "The person who knows better has to do and be better." What did this mean? As many young women my generation we still believed we were going to get married and be "taken care of". This belief of course led to many disappointments.
Why in my love relationships, did I have to be the teacher? The leader? Why did I experience grief by losing my father before all my friends? Why did I experience abuse first hand? Why in heavens name did I slip to the depths of hell? Now I know that I was becoming the person who knew "better". It was by going through these life situations that I learned a great deal, and incorporated moms wisdom into the work I do today.
Each difficult and challenging situation holds a pearl, a dose of wisdom medicine intended to deliver us from here to there, which of course becomes the new here!
Take heart when you have just conquered a tough lesson only to meet up with a new one, it simply means it is time for your next dose of wisdom medicine! We are being called upon individually and collectively to be "better", to muster the courage, to accept responsibility for being the change we wish to see in the world. The journey is much scarier when we attempt to side-step our path and wait for someone else to make the difference. It is never, ever about what someone else is doing or not doing, it is always about you. All the power of change exists within you and if you are reading this email, I know that you have already stepped onto the path of empowerment and growth.
May you be blessed today and all days to receive your loving dose of wisdom, compassion and mercy. Welcome to the reality of being, doing and feeling better.
In my pre-teen years my mom was meditating, going to a psychic meditation monthly with a woman who was just breaking on to the scene, Betty Bethards - many of you know she eventually made a name for herself. I thank Betty for the teaching she gave my mom, and for opening a door that would be the one I would step through much later in life.
Mom read constantly. When she wasn't studying for her college classes, (she worked her way through junior college and Cal Berkeley while raising 3 kids) she was reading Edgar Cayce and the like. To say she was progressive is an understatement though I did not know then.
Mixed with all her maternal goodness were many new age truths that were in the early 1970's just beginning to emerge. The pearls of wisdom my mother bestowed on me are many - I spread them liberally.
Nearly 40 years before the release of "The Secret" my mom told me that "You create your reality by the beliefs you hold in consciousness." Huh - I for sure didn't get it back then though it is a gem today isn't it? What you think about, you bring about. Simple. Ok, then if it's so simple how do I get from here, to over there where I'm sure things are waaaay better?
One of the pearls of my mothers wisdom said this; "The person who knows better has to do and be better." What did this mean? As many young women my generation we still believed we were going to get married and be "taken care of". This belief of course led to many disappointments.
Why in my love relationships, did I have to be the teacher? The leader? Why did I experience grief by losing my father before all my friends? Why did I experience abuse first hand? Why in heavens name did I slip to the depths of hell? Now I know that I was becoming the person who knew "better". It was by going through these life situations that I learned a great deal, and incorporated moms wisdom into the work I do today.
Each difficult and challenging situation holds a pearl, a dose of wisdom medicine intended to deliver us from here to there, which of course becomes the new here!
Take heart when you have just conquered a tough lesson only to meet up with a new one, it simply means it is time for your next dose of wisdom medicine! We are being called upon individually and collectively to be "better", to muster the courage, to accept responsibility for being the change we wish to see in the world. The journey is much scarier when we attempt to side-step our path and wait for someone else to make the difference. It is never, ever about what someone else is doing or not doing, it is always about you. All the power of change exists within you and if you are reading this email, I know that you have already stepped onto the path of empowerment and growth.
May you be blessed today and all days to receive your loving dose of wisdom, compassion and mercy. Welcome to the reality of being, doing and feeling better.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
My Dad
My father, Ben Sanders, was one of Santa's helpers. A tall and barrel chested man with a striking white beard and twinkling smile, he was proud to wear the beautiful red velvet suit my mom made for him. He began growing his beard near the end of summer, grooming it impeccably. As his phone rang for Santa "gig's" he wrote them in a little book. These appearances included parades, shopping malls, parties, Christmas tree farms, you name it, he went. It was a happy way for a man, who had worked hard to support his family to spend his retirement days. This added a new dimension to our family Christmas, and for me, a quiet peace knowing that though my Dad was not always treated fairly in the insurance industry he spent my childhood working in, he was loved greatly as one of Santa's helpers.
Dad worked his Santa job the winter of 1990 but became ill shortly after. We would not know for several months that he had pancreatic cancer. As I watched in disbelief his great stature seem to melt away. Days and weeks turned to months and in June of 1991 surgery was performed to investigate a mass on his pancreas.
As we waited for him to emerge from surgery, the surgeon returned to the waiting room too soon, too soon to have done anything I felt. The news was that not only did my Dad have pancreatic cancer, it had metastasized to his organs. They closed him up and sent him home to die.
The weeks that followed were surreal. We have always been a close family and we rallied around doing what we could to help Mom. Knowing that Dads time was coming soon Hospice was called in. We were asked to tell him that it was ok to go, that we would take care of Mom. This was the most difficult thing I have ever had to do because it wasn't time for him to go, not in my book. But, we all gave him permission to leave. On the night of July 22, 1991, I left my two young boys home with their Dad and went to spend the night at "home". My brother and I left Dad's side a bit before midnight and I fell asleep to the familiar and comforting sound of my father snoring. Mom was dozing in the rocking chair next to him. At 12:10am, July 23 I awoke suddenly, it was too quite, there was no snoring, there was no breathing, my Dad had gone home. Dad had chosen to leave, July 23 1991, my Moms 60th birthday. He knew we would always be together on that day and that Mom would not be alone.
I distinctly recall the painful first year of grieving his loss. I compared every Santa to Dad that year, angry with their presence and my Dads absence. It wasn't the right time for me to lose him, and now I know, that for those of us who remain, the time never seems right.
Dad kept a little rainbow shaped bank that he would put all the dimes from his pocket into. When the bank was full he and Mom would take the money, I remember it being $77and do something together. I decided that anytime I found a dime that it would be Dad talking to me. In the many years since my Dad went "home" I have literally found hundreds of dimes. At times I save them until my pretty green glass bottle is filling up , at other times I feel him say, "Use the dimes Sis." and I empty the jar and start the process all over again. For me, he is reminding me not to hold on too tightly to that which I label as "him". His love flows through us all without end. No, I cannot hug his big body, but I tell you, every time I find a dime it gives me a little giggle in my heart that reminds me to lighten up. When we lighten up and our vibration raises, we are open and available to receive their love that is flowing to us without end.
If you have not received or decided what your sign is for your loved one to send you, choose today!
I pray for the spirits of those who have passed to receive the blessing of love. I pray that we allow ourselves to receive their love and light and to know, without doubt, that we are loved and all is well.
Dad worked his Santa job the winter of 1990 but became ill shortly after. We would not know for several months that he had pancreatic cancer. As I watched in disbelief his great stature seem to melt away. Days and weeks turned to months and in June of 1991 surgery was performed to investigate a mass on his pancreas.
As we waited for him to emerge from surgery, the surgeon returned to the waiting room too soon, too soon to have done anything I felt. The news was that not only did my Dad have pancreatic cancer, it had metastasized to his organs. They closed him up and sent him home to die.
The weeks that followed were surreal. We have always been a close family and we rallied around doing what we could to help Mom. Knowing that Dads time was coming soon Hospice was called in. We were asked to tell him that it was ok to go, that we would take care of Mom. This was the most difficult thing I have ever had to do because it wasn't time for him to go, not in my book. But, we all gave him permission to leave. On the night of July 22, 1991, I left my two young boys home with their Dad and went to spend the night at "home". My brother and I left Dad's side a bit before midnight and I fell asleep to the familiar and comforting sound of my father snoring. Mom was dozing in the rocking chair next to him. At 12:10am, July 23 I awoke suddenly, it was too quite, there was no snoring, there was no breathing, my Dad had gone home. Dad had chosen to leave, July 23 1991, my Moms 60th birthday. He knew we would always be together on that day and that Mom would not be alone.
I distinctly recall the painful first year of grieving his loss. I compared every Santa to Dad that year, angry with their presence and my Dads absence. It wasn't the right time for me to lose him, and now I know, that for those of us who remain, the time never seems right.
Dad kept a little rainbow shaped bank that he would put all the dimes from his pocket into. When the bank was full he and Mom would take the money, I remember it being $77and do something together. I decided that anytime I found a dime that it would be Dad talking to me. In the many years since my Dad went "home" I have literally found hundreds of dimes. At times I save them until my pretty green glass bottle is filling up , at other times I feel him say, "Use the dimes Sis." and I empty the jar and start the process all over again. For me, he is reminding me not to hold on too tightly to that which I label as "him". His love flows through us all without end. No, I cannot hug his big body, but I tell you, every time I find a dime it gives me a little giggle in my heart that reminds me to lighten up. When we lighten up and our vibration raises, we are open and available to receive their love that is flowing to us without end.
If you have not received or decided what your sign is for your loved one to send you, choose today!
I pray for the spirits of those who have passed to receive the blessing of love. I pray that we allow ourselves to receive their love and light and to know, without doubt, that we are loved and all is well.
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