Frozen— I Am Ready When You Are
When one moment becomes frozen in your mind...
What we would give for it to thaw and melt away...
Taking with it, the reality of death.
Some are fortunate to be with their loved ones when they take their final breath and begin their journey home, holding their hand and kissing their forehead. While this can be an overwhelming moment, it is one that becomes frozen in time, and in our minds. For those of us finding our parent or loved one already gone, we struggle to erase the specific moment in time. A million questions flood our minds and we immediately feel guilt for not being by their side. Neither being present nor being absent is easy because we must begin a new chapter of life without them.
As a child I had an irrational fear of finding my mother or father dead. It scared me. I never spoke of it, fearing it would make it a reality. Who would care for me? Protect me? Guide me? As it turned out, I was the first person to walk into the room and find my father gone, and then decades later, find my mother too had passed. I am not alone.
Many of you have shared these experiences. It took me nearly a decade before I could remember my father’s face smiling. Although he had been sick for only a brief time, I witnessed him decline from a big, strong man, to one who could not talk or eat – all in a matter of several months – This memory left a huge scar.
When my father died, I was at the very beginning of understanding my gift as a medium. Soon after he passed, I met my first mentor who helped me unlock the language of my intuition, giving me the ability to channel the foreign energy I had felt my entire life.
In subsequent decades, I have come to understand it was my place to be the first person on the scene. I was not being punished or tormented, it was an honor. My belief has shifted dramatically from fear of seeing them dead, to understanding the sacredness of the body that carried them through life. This does not lessen the pain of loss, or the shock of the vision burned in my head. It does however, help me understand the temporary nature of our incarnate journey.
With this, I am reminded to take each moment as it comes – live now – not in the future.
Recently, during an acupuncture session I had a profound experience. As I lay there, I had a sense of the grim reaper at my feet.
I asked, “Are you the grim reaper? Are you here for me? Is it my time?”
He replied, “No, it is not your time. I am here to remove death from you. I am the angel of death and not to be feared. You have a contract to be the connection for those who have passed and their loved ones who remain. I am here to clear you of the remnants of those you have helped so you can continue to work without their pain.”
In an instant, I got it. The pain of the memories of my parents softened to the understanding all of life is sacred, the living and the dying. I have been blessed to kiss my parent’s goodbye and pray with the precious body that held their life. My visit from the angel brought me peace in all I feel and experience personally, and through my clients. It is meaningful and valuable.
If you feel you have unfinished business with anyone who has passed, please know. I would be delighted to be a part of your healing path.
I’m ready when you are.